Divorce or Stay Married

Divorce Sucks.. Sucks.. Sucks…. Divorce is not a favorite topic for me, it is an ugly word and a word we never talked about in my parents house when I was a kid. I never even knew anyone personally before I got married that went through a divorce. Now I know many people with divorces or as we say on the golf course “D’s” and it keeps growing by the day.

I will go on record I am against Divorce unless it is a safety issue for them or their kids. Most Divorces seem to happen over one spouse cheating or money issues.  

WebMD said 2 out of 5 of first marriages will end in divorce after one spouse cheats. WF Lawyers said that almost 50% of marriages will end in divorce or separation when I was searching about money issues. From my time helping people with debt problems it sure seems like over 80% of those divorced said Money was the top reason for the divorce or one of the top reasons. Some references are listed below in the show notes if you like stats.

I think people who may be on the fence about getting a Divorce may want to go see a counselor or pastor at church. Another good option would be seeing a marriage counselor or buying a set of Gary Smalley Relationship tapes. That is if your spouse will attend. My past ex went one time and then said it was just me that needed help. We had so much debt that even after selling our house we still had debt to divide up.

Time Magazine Information

Some more things to think about is from an article in Time Magazine. It had some stats like:

  1. Average first marriage 8 years
  2. Average second marriage is 6 years. I have heard that divorce rate is higher on 2nd marriages and even higher on 3rd marriages.
  3. Overall showed kids are more likely to be harmed by their parents getting divorced
  4. Average total household wealth of those ages 51 to 61 for married couples as $132,200. Those Divorced was $33,700 and Widowed was $42,300. It is cheaper to live in one household than two for sure.

Judith Wallersteom Book

Judith Wallersteom on a book she wrote a book called “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce” Said “Children from broken families tend to marry later, yet divorce more often than those from intact homes. She also says “That divorce may screw them up for a long, long time and put them at risk for everything from drug abuse to a loveless, solitary old age”. Another point she makes is that Children don’t need their parents to like each other. They don’t even need them to be especially civil. They need them to stay together, for better or worse.

Protecting Yourself

But if you are getting a divorce and can’t work it out. Protect yourself financially.

Remember I am not giving you any professional advice, go see a professional for that. But as I tell my kids they would need to depending on what state they would happen to get a divorce in, my state was Minnesota;

  1. Go hire a lawyer right away.
  2. Copy all current Assets amounts and Debt amounts.
  3. Cancel all Credit Cards in both names.
  4. Get separate Checking Accounts.
  5. Make a list of anything you got as a gift or inheritance.
  6. Don’t go out and buy and Real Estate or Vehicles until the Divorce is over.
  7. Keep things civil and work it out with your spouse. More you work out together the less you have to spend on lawyers and sooner you can start rebuilding your future.

We have talked to our boys about going through Pre Marrital classes at church with their future spouse. To talk with them about Money issues, Budgets, Retirement plans, College Plans for Kid if you want them, how many kids, Daycare costs.

Also we told them to cover current assets and debts with each other before marriage. To even think about having a prenup agreement before marriage. Make sure they make copies of all Assets and Debt statements before the day of the marriage so depending on their state laws, they may be able to exclude those in case of a divorce.

Lost Relationships

Divorce isn’t any fun if you haven’t gone through one. My friend going through one right now is feeling a little crushed. His dreams, lifestyle, etc. has all changed drastically. Even the losing friendships he had with friends they had during the married years to losing friendship with her side of the family. Same thing happened to me with lost friends and relationships. I guess it is a past chapter of my life.

I am really enjoying my current chapter of my life with Darlene and the boys. I am very blessed and looking forward to sharing the next fifty years together. Living Debt Free and having Financial Freedom. Good living for us. Darlene and myself aren’t 100% on money issues but we talk them out and compromise. But we stay debt free and keep our emergency fund in tack. We may save less money for retirement at times then I would like but we will be fine as long as we are together. Hopefully we have done a good job with the boys so they live a life of Financial Freedom also.

Money can create relationship problems in not only marriage but also if you are living with someone, with friends or family. Sometimes it is good to have a third party to help you through the topic of money. Like a Financial Planner, Financial Advisor or Financial Coach. Even your Accountant to a Lawyer. Some Churches offer programs also on it. That is why I like working with people to help them decide on getting their budgets and plans in line.

Quotes


Here are two positive quotes I like; “There is no way to happiness; happiness is the Path.” By Buddha

“Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life” by Wayne W. Dyer

Let me know your thoughts about this blog and let me know of others you would like me to do in the future. I feel we can all learn from each other. That is why I am in the helping people retire early, enjoy life more and be more successful. Also, please see my Disclaimer page.

Don’t give up on your dreams; don’t let others talk you out of your dreams. Make your dreams happen. Make it happen today.

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Thanks, and Have a great night.  Bruce of MillsWay.com

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